The Bad and The Ugly! (post script to yesterday's update)

It occurred to me that my recent update only focused on GOOD things.  I would be remiss if I didn't address some of the not so nice experiences I've had, as well.  I call them "the bad and the ugly".

The truth is.......there is a LOT of UGLY when it comes to battling obesity.  Society's perception is that overweight persons are slobs and eat all the time.  Not necessarily true.

Doctors warned me to be careful of who I choose to share my story with as people can be very judgemental.  I guess it was their way of trying to "protect" me (and their other patients, as well).  But I decided to share my story publicly.  First, there is "no shame in my game" and second, I didn't want to be like Starr Jones who came across like she lost all this weight on her own versus being open and honest about having surgery.  To each their own.  It is what it is.  And the reality is that I felt like surgery was my only option to give me the jump start I needed to become more active.  As simple as that.  I deeply admire those who are able to drop 100 lbs + the old fashioned way of diet and mad exercise.  I didn't have the confidence in myself to go that route.

You know the old saying, "kids are cruel"?  Well, truth is, people can be very cruel, even adults.  I've had people say things to me over the years that are still with me today.  People I've worked with, teammates, clients, you name it.  All.My.Life!

I'll never forget the time a male co-worker of mine, Merrill G. (real names used because I'm not concerned about protecting their identities) told me, "You would be so pretty if you just lost weight".  Mind you, this was in the mid 90's when I weighed close to what I weigh now.  So the comment was made LONG before I put on the additional 100 lbs.  How was I supposed to take that???  The terribly sad thing is he thought he was complimenting me?!

Or just last week when I casually mentioned that I'd had bypass surgery to a client (somehow it came up in the context of the conversation) and her reply was, "Oh Lori, how did you let yourself get like that?".  Well, Miss Jennifer W......as a matter of fact I was quite active until I broke my back at age 18.  Life grounded to a halt and the pounds continued to accumulate from there.  I guess I could have just said, "Well I couldn't overcome my love and addiction of 5 Big Macs a day".  What the hell?  This woman is my peer.  I am now 49 years old.  How do you ask someone that kinda question unless you are particularly close to them, personally?  I dunno.

Those are just two examples that dumbfounded me.

Conversely, I have had ONE very well meaning friend approach me more delicately with a simple, "I'm worried about you" after she saw my mobility declining in between our annual visits.  How was I to be angry or put off by her thoughts when she was RIGHT?!  I appreciated her genuine concern; and shared those same concerns with her.  Truth be known, I'm still in awe of how gracefully she was able to broach the subject.  I was not at all offended.  In fact, I felt very loved and cared for in that moment.  We had a good heart to heart.  This was shortly before I was given insurance approval to have the surgery.  I hope she is proud of me or happy for me now.  And I look forward to many more fun filled visits in the future!

This past week Kevin and I were scrolling through the guide on the television and landed on the show, "My 600 lb Life".  It's a show where cameras follow the efforts of severely overweight individuals through their respective journeys to lose weight.  We watched several back to back episodes.  I cannot watch without crying.  I WAS that person.  Maybe not at 600 lb but otherwise, I shared the same struggles, same mental battles, etc.  If you've never seen it and are curious, check it out:  http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/my-600-lb-life/    I watch and think to myself, I feel so sorry for that person.  I even feel sorry for my "former" person.  I've felt all those same things that you see them anguishing over.  I wish I could tell them what I know now.  I even cringe when I see them sabotage their efforts by binging on certain things.  I've been known to do that.  Before my surgery, I would send Kevin out for French Silk pies from time to time.  I don't do that now.  In fact, more often than not, I think I want something only to discover (a bite or two into it) that I don't even like it any more.  You REALLY do lose cravings for things, in my case sugar.  Last night, for example, Kevin decided to make himself a bowl of ice cream.  It sounded good; so I had him make me one, too.  We only keep Edy's No Sugar Added in the house, so I was safe.  And we had some Sugar Free caramel and hot fudge toppings.  I ate mine; but I was IMMEDIATELY nauseated.  In fact, I was soooo nauseated (insert, "How nauseated were you?".....) that I had to take an anti nausea pill and pray myself to sleep.  Pretty sure I won't be in a hurry to indulge in that any time soon.

I have discovered that the Lyon's Frozen Custard stand by our house has a Sugar Free Vanilla variety.  My stomach tolerates that fairly well.  I don't get any toppings, just whipped cream (which is naturally low in sugar) and nuts.  And that suits the craving.

Anyway, I have so many random thoughts swirling in my head that I think I want to share on my blog.  The trick is remembering to jot them down as I'm typing my monthly stories.

I am blessed that I have a loving, accepting circle of family and friends that I surround myself with.  So the negative comments are few and far between now.  But I wanted to show you a couple examples of very hurtful things that are said to people who are overweight.

Have a great week!

Lori

Let Freedom Ring!!! (10 month post op update)

Hope everyone had wonderful Independence Day celebrations!  I am now TEN months post gasric bypass surgery.  Where has the time gone?

Every day I celebrate the freedoms that I've gained since making the choice to have weight loss surgery.  I never cease to be amazed by the increase in quality of life now that I have my mobility back!

Key observations over the past month:

• I no longer need a seat belt extender in a car.  I can now wear a standard seatbelt comfortably.
• I now have less social anxiety about attending gatherings and meeting new people (not necessarily more confident in how I look, just less self conscious or feeling of a failure, I'd say.  Hard to articulate to those who haven't experienced it).  Suffice it to say, I'm more social now than I've been for the past 5 years.  Save for the days my Fibromyalgia flares up and I cancel on friends to stay home and reenergize.
• I am willing to do yardwork, gardening, weeding, etc. now.  Whereas a year ago, I wouldn't even attempt it.  I would get winded so easily.  Not sure if Kevin appreciates this new found energey as it means he's often out there with me?!  Last weekend we cut down some limbs on a droopy tree in our front yard.  If it ever stops raining long enough, we'll tackle the trees in the backyard, too!
• I was able to keep up with my family when we walked in the Miles Against Melanoma Walk on June 6th.  Regardless of what they claim the route was, those who walked with me agree that it was more than a 1 mile walk.  I am grateful that I was able to walk it and cross the finish line.
• I no longer have to hide behind clothing that is a size or two larger than I really wear.  In fact, I look downright ridiculous in anything that is one size over where I am now.  I am thrilled to say that I am now in a size 22 top and pant/shorts.  I never made it as far down as a 22 post lap-band surgery.  So this is HUGE.  The last time I recall being in this size is the early 90's.  Words cannot express what a wonderful feeling this is.  Particularly, since pre surgery I was wearing loose 34's.  I am also down in shoe size, interestingly enough.  I was wearing 8.5 and 9's before.  Today I am in an 8.  Not wide, just regular old standard ladie's 8!
• I've reached not one but TWO numerical milestones.  Not only did I drop below 300 lbs.  But I am also now under 250 pounds.  I am living for the day I cross under the 200 lb. mark.  Trust me when I say you'll hear me singing from the mountain tops!  What does this mean?  Well for one, it means I can zip line now and be UNDER the weight capacity.  I can also sit in average chairs without worrying about their weight capacity (office chairs, lawn chairs, even hammocks!).  I don't have to worry about my ladder failing me any more due to pushing it's limits.  Sadly, I still have to worry about falling and hurting myself, though.  And I took another spill recently.  It makes me a lot less confident when walking!  Also on the downside, it means no more early boarding and extra seat when flying Southwest.  I suppose all good things come to an end!  I fly to San Antonio for work in a week or so.  I'll be sure to comment next blog as to how that felt.  I'll actually have someone seated next to me?!  Gasp.  I'm not sure if I like that.  The older I get the larger my "personal bubble" becomes.
• I haven't had ANY problems with my feet swelling.  I can enjoy all those strappy sandals that I once considered selling.  ABSOLUTELY loving this benefit!
• Another HUGE milestone is being able to walk in a Marshalls or Ross store and buy $10 dresses off the rack and be able to not only fit in them but wear them nicely.  We attended a friend's daughter's wedding on 6-27-15.  My $10 dress came from Ross and it was comfortable, too!  #WINNING
• I can STILL enjoy the things I love........like sweets (when made sugar free) and Starbucks (with a little special ordering), etc.  I honestly haven't felt like I am deprived of anything I crave.  I've learned to play it smart.  So for inquiring minds, I have to keep my sugar intake to 5g or less per serving.  I have discovered that my stomach can tolerate up to 7g safely.  The risk of having more results in "dumping" syndrome where you run to the bathroom (and I mean RUN) to either vomit or manage severe nausea or a severe gastric explosion from the other end.  Neither are particularly fun; so I make no effort to push my limits.  Incidentally, I've learned my limits so they aren't difficult to manage now.  But I had anti nausea meds in the beginning (while I was still learning).  They were a lifesaver many a night!  So back to the Starbucks, my favorite drink is a new flavor called "Caramel Cocoa Cluster".  HEAVEN in a cup.  It's a pain having to order it all high maintenance like; and Kevin swears listening to me order it wears him out....BUT here's how I have to do it:  Grande Cocoa Caramel Cluster Light, substitute Sugar Free Mocha.  Bada Boom, Bada Bing..........I can still enjoy Starbucks!!!  I continue to learn how to buy sugar free options at the store.  And I'm hopeful that someday I'll see as many sugar free options as I do gluten free now.
• I still loathe exercise; so unless it's something I'm doing actively (yardwork, shopping, etc), it's not happening.  Right, Wrong or Indifferent.  I do hope to start a regime to tackle my "chicken wing" arms, however.
• I can drink alcohol in very small quantities.  I was able to enjoy a couple glasses of wine on a recent overnight winery trip.  And I've enjoyed a glass here and there, since.  Because I tend to enjoy semi-sweet wines, I have to limit myself to no more than 2 glasses at a time.  Lori-size glasses, NOT Kevin-size glasses.  He still tends to pour wine like he pours beer!  The doctor mentioned a while back that most patients get intoxicated very easily post surgery.  The body no longer processes the alcohol the same.  Fortunately, I haven't had enough to feel like I've been "drunk" per se.  Another limit I have no intention of pushing.
• Lawn seats are no longer impossible for me.  I was able to get up and down accordingly at the recent Darius Rucker concert we attended as Kevin's Father's Day gift.  However, it does still wreak havoc on my back.  Not comfortable at all.  We'll take extra cushion for the July Earth, Wind & Fire venue.  Still not confident I can get in and out of the chairs they rent?!  

All told, I am at a current weight (as of today) of 242.6.  Technically I began at 356.6, so I am down a total of 114.  This means I lost 7 lbs in the month of June or since my last blog update.  I'm losing at a very slow and steady rate which has helped my skin to adapt.  I have no visable signs of excess skin.  The only "ugly" fact is I still have my bat wing arms, which I hate.  I will have to do something about that (exercise).  Doctors recommend 1-2 lbs per week, which is right about where I am.  While I'd love to drop faster, I am hoping to escape needing surgery or feeling the need for an additional surgery for excess skin removal.  So far, so good.  Whew!  I hope this update doesn't JINX me!

Below is our month in pictures (in chronological order).  As a family, we had a busy yet FUN month.  Hopefully you can see my continued transformation in the photos.  Enjoy.  Thanks for all of your encouragement, love and friendship.  Have a great July!  Until next month...........

Lori

Miles Against Melanoma Walk June 6, 2015

Little River Band Concert 6-19-2015

Darius Rucker Concert 6-26-2015

Porcia and John's Wedding 6-27-2015

Photo taken today 7-5-2015

Not much into selfies or having my picture taken; but Kevin was kind enough to take this for the sake of a blog update!  I still look doofy in them.  I prefer snapshots with others in them with me!