Many of you may not know, but in order for insurance to cover a surgery such as Roux En Y Gastric Bypass, there is a long check list of things to do and submit for approval. The list varies by insurance company. I have CIGNA. My list looked something like this:
- Complete Medical/Diet History Questionnaire
- Obtain a Medical Clearance from my Internist
- Obtain a Psychological Evaluation
- Complete a Dietary Consultation
- Complete a Surgical Consultation
- Submit a complete Thyroid Blood Panel
- Undergo an Endoscopy procedure
- Complete a 3 month multidisciplinary supervised weight loss program
I had my first appointment with Dr. Scott at My New Self Bariatrics on 5-20-13. On June 12, 2013, I had my Endoscopy, Doppler test and blood work (see post from 6-12-13).
Before I get to July's events, I wanted to just share a few things that I think are noteworthy. My goal is to be 100% candid about everything along my journey. I make no apologies for that. My intention is to give you a peek as to what goes on in my mind and with my body on a daily basis as a result of my current condition (which I accept responsibility for) and during what I hope will soon be a smooth transformation. It will also contain lists or reminders to myself of what I do and do not want for my future. Overall, I hope you find it uplifting.
What made me reach the point of desiring change? Recently I've noticed a severe lack of mobility (see list below). I also inherited a step son (now 9) with my 2010 marriage. And I really long to be more active with he and my husband. I don't want to spend the last half of my life dying. I want to spend it LIVING!
How has my weight disabled me physically, you ask?
What does this mean to me?
How does this impact me, emotionally???
The mental clutter is hard to explain. On one hand I look in the mirror on a given day and I think I look polished and presentable. Then later I may see a photograph of myself taken that same day and all I see is a round individual that looks like a blob. It's like there is some sort of distortion.
I worry that when I DO lose weight, I will look in the mirror and it will be opposite. I'll still see the pre-surgery Lori. And how will I react to this "new" shell if I've only known THIS Lori all my life?!
In a lot of ways it's scary. Ironically, nothing about the physical procedure or recuperation intimidates me. It's the unknown and all the what ifs that concern me. I'm anxious to discover a leaner Lori; but will I like her? Will "she" change who I am on the inside today? Am I up for the mental exercise? And do I have what it takes to make this surgery a SUCCESS and maintain it?
For those who choose to follow along the journey, I appreciate your comments, encouragement, suggestions, feedback, etc.
As they say, 'Be kind to everyone you meet, for they may also be struggling"............
Before I get to July's events, I wanted to just share a few things that I think are noteworthy. My goal is to be 100% candid about everything along my journey. I make no apologies for that. My intention is to give you a peek as to what goes on in my mind and with my body on a daily basis as a result of my current condition (which I accept responsibility for) and during what I hope will soon be a smooth transformation. It will also contain lists or reminders to myself of what I do and do not want for my future. Overall, I hope you find it uplifting.
What made me reach the point of desiring change? Recently I've noticed a severe lack of mobility (see list below). I also inherited a step son (now 9) with my 2010 marriage. And I really long to be more active with he and my husband. I don't want to spend the last half of my life dying. I want to spend it LIVING!
How has my weight disabled me physically, you ask?
- My back (which was broken in 1985) bothers me more often and more severely
- I cannot stand on my feet for more than 5 or 10 minutes. If I shop, I end up hovering over the cart for relief. If I rinse dishes to load the dishwasher, I have to lean on the sink.
- I have to sit on a bed or sofa and lift my leg up on the side to tie my shoes versus being able to simply bend over or lift my leg.
- I get shortness of breath and can't even walk a mile anymore.
- My knees are shot, I can't bend or kneel on them to garden, etc.
- I'm flat our exhausted after a shower. My energy is spent.
- Speaking of shower, suffice it to say range of motion is limited, so some areas are harder to reach than if I were a normal weight.
- I have to ask my husband for assistance at times, for things I wish he never had to do for me.
- My poor bikini line hasn't seen the light of day for countless years. It's been taken over by my thunder thighs. Let's face it, they'll probably always exist; but it sure would be nice to be able to see it myself for a change! All joking aside, the stark reality is that with heat and summer, there can be chaffing of the thighs, heat rashes that develop in areas that have friction, etc. Sorry, but I promised the good, bad AND the ugly on this blog!
- A day of business travel wipes me OUT. I suffer back pain and shortness of breath just making my way through the average airport with a laptop bag and a purse on me, much less a garment bag and the shuffle from bag claim to the rental car shuttle.
- I have severe edema or swelling of the feet. It's horrid and UGLY and embarrassing. My normal feet are quite pretty, although vein-y, and my ankles proportionate.
- Let's just say it can be limiting when trying to share some intimacy with my husband. (I apologize for the visual but it's important that others who struggle find me relatable)
- It means I ask for an extra seat on the airlines so I don't have to worry about making anyone else uncomfortable next to me.
- I have to use a seat belt extender on airplanes and I have one for my car!
What does this mean to me?
- I avoid sporting events (which my husband and I both love) due to the discomfort of stadium seating. Even if I was able to pry myself in the seats, I'd be sitting all crooked and would end up in severe back pain by the end of the game.
- I wouldn't dream of taking our son to an amusement park due to the walking involved. Or even the zoo. This makes me sad. Once again it's not fair to my husband or son.
- Obviously, there are countless trends, designs, clothing styles I cannot attempt. WORSE, however, is not being able to put on a cute pair of summer shoes and rock them. Something about cankles in strappy sandals just isn't cool nor attractive?!
- I volunteer less than I used to. When I do, I have to ask for "seated positions". I miss the days of working the walk/run events and cheering runners on at the finish lines.
- My husband has to do the "heavy lifting" around the house because I simply can't. Even when I want to.
- I rarely even visit the "man cave" that is our finished basement as it's hard to climb stairs without getting winded.
How does this impact me, emotionally???
- Just this year, I've noticed that I feel worse about myself and my appearance than I ever have.
- I pass up social invitations to have girls weekends or meet new friends simply because I feel like if I no longer like me how will anyone else? What must they think of me? So I end up sticking to a very few close friends, my safety net, my comfort zone. This particularly bothers me, as I don't recall EVER being like this. And I've battled weight for almost my entire life time.
- I don't have the amount of intimacy I would like to have with my spouse. And I often wonder IF and WHY he even finds me attractive.
The mental clutter is hard to explain. On one hand I look in the mirror on a given day and I think I look polished and presentable. Then later I may see a photograph of myself taken that same day and all I see is a round individual that looks like a blob. It's like there is some sort of distortion.
I worry that when I DO lose weight, I will look in the mirror and it will be opposite. I'll still see the pre-surgery Lori. And how will I react to this "new" shell if I've only known THIS Lori all my life?!
In a lot of ways it's scary. Ironically, nothing about the physical procedure or recuperation intimidates me. It's the unknown and all the what ifs that concern me. I'm anxious to discover a leaner Lori; but will I like her? Will "she" change who I am on the inside today? Am I up for the mental exercise? And do I have what it takes to make this surgery a SUCCESS and maintain it?
For those who choose to follow along the journey, I appreciate your comments, encouragement, suggestions, feedback, etc.
As they say, 'Be kind to everyone you meet, for they may also be struggling"............
Lori, I wish you luck and hugs on your journey. As someone who has been on both sides of this fence, I really do understand. I am sure you can do it.
ReplyDeleteJust remember that #1: you need to do this for YOU! And #2: YOU are worth it. I have come to know you and I think you are t'riffic! You have overcome the challenges of losing a job, getting married, now having a step son... and all of that in a very short time. I am very impressed by your stamina and pushing forward, even when things looked very dark.
Hang in there. You CAN do this!
Also remember that the journey never ends and those demons of the "old you" can lurk for a long time. I still hesitate to look in mirrors for fear that I will see the fat me. But you adjust and as you can move more easily and you no longer are winded walking up a flight of stairs, you will feel lighter and that will help buoy you up when the demons seem to be lurking about.
Blessings to you,
Jenni